Now that we are both independent, adult women, we noticed a shift in the dynamics of our relationship that we wanted to explore. By writing about our issues from our unique perspectives, we revealed to each other our thoughts and feelings, which in turn, enabled us to interact in new ways that reflect love, respect and friendship. People often ask us for tips on how to deal with their own mother-daughter struggles, and while we are always happy to share our thoughts, we don't profess to have all the answers.
When you think about your relationship with your mother, does it make you smile and feel good inside or do you get a knot in your stomach and start to clench your fists? To the moms, when you think of your daughter, do you feel proud and grateful or do you get angry and think about how your daughter never listens to your advice and generally makes the wrong decisions? Relationships with our mothers can be quite tricky and complex, and we all handle them in different ways.
This mother asks: How can I build a friendship with my adult daughter? Read more stories from the series here. No mother has a perfect relationship with her daughter.
Through mutual understanding, good communication, and seeking out fun activities to do together, moms and daughters can enjoy not only a positive familial relationship, but a real friendship. Certainly, the mother-daughter relationship is notorious for being a complicated one, and new tensions often emerge when daughters reach adulthood. Conflict between adult mothers and daughters over work, marriage, family, and life events can inhibit the formation of a peer-to-peer relationship. Yet, there are certain approaches mothers can take to establish healthy and lasting relationships with their adult daughters.
Editor's Note: Every Monday, Lori Gottlieb answers questions from readers about their problems, big and small. Have a question? Email her at dear.
Mother-daughter relationships are complex and diverse. Some mothers and daughters are best friends. Others talk once a week.
Yet no one bakes as willingly or as beautifully. No one is as sweetly appreciative of me and my children. In short, no one loves me in quite the way she does.
The bond between a mother and daughter is without a doubt one of the most powerful and complex relationships. Not to mention the sacrifices they have made. Over the course of the day, husbands and children will be battling it out for the affection of their beloved wife and mother.
Eye rolls, hugs, tugs-of-war, and tears are familiar to those who have witnessed or participated in mother-daughter relationships. Frequently, in this new phase of their relationship, mother and daughter are unprepared to deal with their differing needs for the amount, form, and content of contact. Moreover, the impact of physical separation between mother and daughter is affected by the degree to which each needs to feel connected, or to not feel rejected or disconnected.